Calm Isn’t Always Comfortable (at first)
With all the tools we’re given to “manage anxiety,” it’s easy to feel like we’re failing when they don’t work right away. But here’s the truth: it isn’t as simple as just using the tools. And the thing is — you might not even realize the tools are working… until one day, they do. Or until you suddenly catch yourself responding differently. Maybe you noticed you didn’t spiral after a stressful conversation. Maybe you heard your inner critic pop up — but paused before believing it. Maybe you felt a rush of frustration and instead of lashing out or shutting down, you asked, “Where is this really coming from?”
We often think, “The breathing isn’t working. The meditation isn’t working.”
You try these things and you don’t feel relief — so it must not be working, right? That is perfectly normal.
We crave immediate effects. We want to feel calm right away. But when you’ve been living in a state of heightened arousal — when your body is used to high alert — calm doesn’t feel like calm. It feels foreign. It might even feel dangerous.
Others who live in a more regulated state may find these tools easier. But for those of us who have been living with anxiety for years, it takes time. Practice. Repetition. Trust.
The Real Roadblock: Your Amygdala Is Just Doing Its Job
Fear and anxiety live in the amygdala — the part of the brain that can’t be tricked or bypassed with logic. It’s always scanning for danger. And it doesn’t distinguish between past, future, or present. So even when you’re technically safe, your body might not believe it yet.
This is where obsessive thoughts are fueled, the worry circuit activated, kicking off your experience of anxiety. But it’s not malfunctioning. It’s working exactly as it’s meant to — it just doesn’t understand time. It doesn’t realize that the thing that hurt you is not happening right now.
And here’s the key point:
It’s the reaction in the body — not just the thought — that triggers the amygdala.
The body registers a shift out of fight or flight. A slower breath. A softening. A pause.
And the amygdala? It interprets that as weakness. Vulnerability.
If your body doesn’t feel prepared to defend itself, the amygdala steps in with a warning: “This isn’t safe. Stay on guard.”
That’s how calm can actually trigger anxiety.
Your nervous system has learned that being calm means you’re not ready to fight or flee. So it rings the alarm. The shift in your body’s state — this unfamiliar sensation — is what activates the fear response.
Even peace can feel like danger at first.
This is especially true with breath work or pranayama.
Breathing is our life-force. The Latin word spiritus means both breath and spirit. It’s the root of inspire, perspire, and conspire. In many traditions, it’s even used to describe the breath of the Divine.
But let’s be honest — breath work can feel terrible at first.
Some people find box breathing (long breath in, long pause, long breath out, long pause, repeat) stressful. Others feel panicked if they breathe only through the nose. If that’s you, try in through the nose, out through the mouth and simplify the rhythm: 3 counts in, short pause, 3 counts out, short pause.
Find what feels good in your body — because that is where the shift begins.
And practice when you’re not anxious.
You can’t learn to swim in the middle of the wave. You ride it out.
Practice calm when you’re already feeling safe — so your body learns that calm is safe.
Until then, let the anxiety come.
Don’t fight it.
Sit with it, and notice how your body reacts. Because that reaction is what’s communicating with the amygdala.
Sitting with your anxiety is a skill. A powerful one.
We’re so used to leaving our bodies when anxiety shows up — disassociating, spinning in thoughts, disconnecting. But when we stay present, even for a moment, we begin to build trust with our body.
We see that we survived the moment.
We made it through.
And that takes away some of the fear.
You begin to believe:
I can get better.
I am getting better.
I believe in my therapist or guide.
I believe in my body.
And above all: I believe in myself.
Your body is always seeking balance. That’s its natural state. The tools don’t “cure” anxiety — they help your body return to its own rhythm. They create space for your system to do what it knows how to do: Regulate. Restore. Heal.
Here’s something else to remember:
It’s the feeling in your body that often causes the fear — not the external situation.
And before we learn this — before we’ve felt our own body return to balance — it makes sense that we’d fear the sensations themselves.
Even thinking about something stressful can create a physical reaction.
And the amygdala reacts to that physical shift. Not the thought — the sensation.
We imagine something happening, and the body believes it’s real.
This is why becoming aware of our thoughts and physical reactions is so powerful.
This is how we change the pattern.
These tools…
They’re not meant to “fix” you.
They’re here to help you remember that your body is wise. That you can heal. That you will get better.
You are not broken. You’re beautifully wired for survival.
Now, you’re learning how to live.
