Thawing from “Freeze Mode” - Escaping depression

YOU ARE SAFE

I couldn’t get out of bed. I knew I had to go to work — there were patients scheduled who had been waiting for months for their MRIs. If I didn’t show up, there would be no one to help them. Yet, the fear was overwhelming. Thoughts like “I’m going crazy, I’m just like my mom” replayed incessantly in my mind. Despite this, I managed to call in sick and texted my coworker to explain what was happening. I had never shared this fear with anyone before; I didn’t want to appear weak. My heart thanks her, she just may have saved me.

When she called me, I was crying, barely able to speak. I felt embarrassed and trapped, unable to think clearly or move from my bed. Her response was exactly what I needed. With a calm yet firm tone, she said, “Stay home. It’s okay to take care of yourself right now. You’re not crazy; you’re a workaholic.” She didn’t know the full extent of what I had been going through for the past eight months, but her words were a lifeline. She immediately sent me information about mental health resources through the hospital and our insurance.

The next four months were transformative. Despite years of working to heal my traumas, everything seemed to unravel unexpectedly. My marriage, my confidence, even my sanity began to deteriorate. Lies surfaced one after another, and fear gradually grew until it became overwhelming. Diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, and cPTSD, I entered an intensive outpatient program. One of the questions they asked was, “Have you ever thought about ending your life?” I initially responded with a firm “NO.” However, further probing revealed that I had been engaging in risky behavior without realizing it, endangering my safety and health. One such instance was taking my kayak out on the river after several storms. The water was dark, dirty, and turbulent. Despite knowing it was dangerous, I went out anyway. Realizing this helped me recognize that over the past five months, I had been unknowingly putting my life at risk on multiple occasions.

I wonder how many of you have gone through something similar. I suspect there are more women than we realize who have faced such intense experiences. I’m sharing my story now to offer insight into what I’ve learned and how I managed to thaw from that paralyzing “Freeze Mode.”

Without delving too deeply into the specifics of stress responses like fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, (for more information on this visit https://zen-tofu.com/trauma-and-autonomic-nervous-system) I want to address the challenge of returning to a state of homeostasis or safety after being in freeze mode. The nervous system response can be visualized as a bell curve: starting from a calm state, a threat triggers the fight/flight response. Freeze mode follows as a last-resort survival mechanism. Within freeze mode, the hyper-arousal from the fight/flight response remains hidden in the body. The nervous system is completely depleted. To return to homeostasis, one must first navigate back through the fight/flight state. The difficulty lies in the fact that someone who has been in freeze mode for an extended period may find re-entering the fight/flight stage very frightening and unnerving, potentially causing them to revert to freeze mode once again.

Trauma at any age can be a significant source of panic and fear. When a person endures emotional or physical abuse and feels powerless to defend themselves, they may be unable to access their natural fight-or-flight responses, leading to tonic immobility — a state of paralysis that seems counterintuitive in the face of danger. As children, the ability to protect or defend oneself is limited and heavily reliant on caregivers. If a child routinely felt unsafe or unprotected by their parent or guardian and was unable to fight or flee from perceived danger, it could trigger a panic response, leading them to becoming numb or immobile. Over time, this response can become deeply ingrained, leading to a tendency to freeze in adulthood, even when the danger is no longer present.

Those who frequently froze in response to trauma may develop tendencies toward dissociation, anxiety or panic disorders, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Dissociation, a particularly harmful form of freezing, involves mentally detaching from ones body to avoid the sensations that stressors or triggers bring on. This can result in feelings of disconnection from one’s surroundings, a sense of being “zoned out,” or even a detachment from reality.

I now realize that I had been stuck in Freeze Mode, off and on, for years. Whenever I started to feel safe, emotions like worry, anxiety, frustration, fear, and even rage would surface. Not feeling proud of how these emotions caused me to react to others, I would retreat back into Freeze Mode to avoid these shameful reactions and hide.

Can we control our stress responses? Many stress reactions, like the surge of adrenaline when preparing for a fight, are instinctive and biological. While these responses are automatic, they can be managed effectively. The first step is learning to recognize how stress feels in your body and identifying where and when you feel it. This bodily awareness is crucial to the process of healing. Therapy often plays a key role in this process, helping individuals identify and address the negative experiences that trigger such reactions. Developing awareness of these triggers is another essential aspect of gaining control over stress responses.

Ultimately, the best way to avoid a negative, unhealthy response to an in-the-moment event, and subsequently “going back into the freezer” is to release the underlying energy caused by the traumatic experience. This process takes time and dedicated personal work. This does not necessarily involve reliving the trauma. Reliving the initial trauma won’t restore the body to a state of balance; however, releasing the stored energy can. As a result, the trigger response may be removed or lessened, enabling a more realistic and balanced response to the present moment. Not to mention…the warmth found in Peace of Mind and Heart.

Are you interested in learning where your body is hiding your trauma or anxiety?

Begin here


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